Haruno Blog's

Fresh out of Bigg Boss 3 Sherlyn Chopra seems to have become a wiser person. She narrates her vivid experiences from the reality show in her recent blog:

When I first stepped in the house of Bigg Boss, little did I know that I would be a soft target for nomination. As a person, I’m an introvert. I like to keep to myself. I know that the real me is quite contrary to my brand image. When I was nominated for the first time, I was shocked. I thought that the house inmates must have randomly picked my name without having any valid reason for my nomination.

Initially, I could not relate to the female house inmates. Mostly they would talk about their families. And I had nothing to say about my family. May be because I have been living alone since I was a teenager.

When I realized that I wasn’t getting positive vibes from the ladies of the house, I turned to the men. I made friends with Kamal & Vindoo because I found them incredibly hilarious.

During the first two weeks, I indulged in gossip. I would make mockery of the character traits of the inmates, whom I didn’t get along well with. When I was nominated for the second time, I had an emotional breakdown, as I felt rejected and misunderstood.

I had asked Poonamji to explain to me as to why the ladies in the house were judgemental toward me. She explained to me that if I mingled with them and talked to them more often, probably they would not have felt that way.

Also, Poonamji said that I would have to express my love to the house inmates to be loved by all of them. After this heart-felt conversation with Poonamji, I decided to go out of my way to love the people in the house. And so, I started treating people with kindness and gentleness.

I derive great pleasure from doing domestic work. Whenever I found the house dirty, I would start cleaning and sweeping the entire house - the kitchen area, the dining area, the living area, girls’ bedroom and even boys’ bedroom.

The people in the house began to see changes in my behaviour and attitude. I truly hoped they would change their pre- conceived notions about me. But that didn’t happen.

I was nominated again for the third time.This time, I tried to analyze harder as to where I was going wrong. I then thought that perhaps the house inmates needed some more time to understand me. I was very confident that sooner or later the house inmates would stop nominating me.

But history repeated itself. I was nominated again for the fourth time. I just could not understand what was going wrong.

Later, on the day of eviction I was told by all the participants that I was made a scapegoat. They said that they chose to nominate me continuously as they had no other option. It was after I met Amitji on Aakhri Salaam that I got to know the true reasons for my nomination.

Most of the house inmates called me a fake person. They strongly felt that the change in my behaviour and attitude was superficial and not genuine. I could not control my tears, when I realized what a poor opinion they had of me.

Now that I’m out of the house of Big Boss, I feel, I was a misfit in the house, as I didn’t want to play games with human emotions. I didn’t want to be part of conversations that break the human spirit.

The experience from day one till the end of my journey was more or less like a roller coaster ride. I got to re-discover myself. And I’m glad that I connected with my inner-self.

The icing on the cake was when Amitji restored peace between my mother and me. However, I feel unless my mother, my sister, and I analyze the root cause of the animosity and the differences between us, the patch up will be very superficial.

Neil Nitin Mukesh is the first mainstream hero to have done a scene of masturbation in Madhur Bhandarkar’s Jail.

Reliving the highly unconventional moments of on-screen realism Neil says, “Frankly if it was some other director I’d have said no. But knowing the way Madhur depicts explicit sexual scenes I said yes.

We shot the masturbation sequence with 450 other actors on the set with me. All the other inmates are asleep when I do it. Now a lot of it has been cropped off. But we still see the character doing it. There’s just a suggestion of it now.”

A portion of the sequence was voluntarily removed from the film before it was presented to the censor board.

Says Neil, “Honestly, after Madhur and I shot the masturbation sequence we found we had gone too far. It was too explicit. It was just not jelling with Indian concepts of aesthetics. So we decided to knock it off quite a bit by mutual consent. We just wondered if the flow of the narration would be hampered.”

That’s not only sexually explicit sequence Neil has participated in for Jail. “In one sequence I go in the night to the bath and see a boy performing oral sex on another. Their pleasure is interrupted by me, and the boy says, ‘You had to come and spoil the fun.’ While we agreed to remove dialogue the scene of oral sex remains.”

Neil’s colleagues say they would gladly do a nude scene for a role. Ranbir Kapoor already has in Saawariya. But auto- eroticism is going too far.

Neil explains, “My nude or masturbation scenes are not for titillation. It’s a very practical need in the script. My character is in Jail without sex for 2 and 1/2 years. What does he do? He naturally seeks pleasure by himself. In the scene that we shot my character fantasizes about his girlfriend and gets his gratification.”

Comparing the moment to the dramatic poignant and memorable sequence in Alan Parker’s 1979 prison drama Midnight Express where the young prison inmate makes his girlfriend undress from across the glass partition dividing prisoners from visitors Neil sighs, “Oh my God! That was a wonderful moment. But we couldn’t show something like this in Jail.

Even the love-making scene with Mugdha Godse has been so aesthetically shot. Like the love making scene between Kate Winslet and Leonardo DiCaprio in Titanic. It became an out-of-the-body experience for the audience.”

Even the censors’ blocking off Neil’s frontal nudity has been taken in the right spirit by the young actor.

“At first I was upset. I realize I am the first Indian actor to show full frontal nudity. But the scene was that of humiliation, not titillation, like the naked parade in Bandit Queen.

Even though I don’t get raped physically Jail is the first Hindi film to show the hero’s emotional rape. We’ve created all the hell inside prison. Audiences will actually see the horror behind the prison walls.”